This is it; as ambiguous as it gets.

Friday, May 1, 2009
Please eat my heart out? Or if not take her out for a ride.
Last weekend and the recent past few days have been a whirlwind of emotions. I wasn't feeling okay at all. I was really bothered by the feelings i have surpressed for so long. The frustrations at work that have piled up each and every weekend for the past four months. Then, that moment break me. I don't scold people at such high and authoritive tone, but i did. It is a feeling like my mom should be proud of me for that moment. A feeling that i have triumph over a long cold war. I really loathe her. I was at the brink of crying. Crying so badly because i was damn freaking pissed and angry with all this mojo-madness, but i didnt managed to. I have two persons in mind to call, but after contemplating, i call one over the other. My voice was wavering. That was really an angry me, because i was slamming every door that i pass through each time.
I had my BTT, last wednesday. All i want to say is fuck to that cab driver. He better pray that i do not see him again. Not only he did not heed to my precise instructions of going by CTE then PIE and exit by Eunos; he got the cheek to get irritated with me. Who ask you to go Ubi by the Hougang way? Absolute, imbecile! I was practically sitting on the fence on as to whether or not to punch him on his face when i payed him the fare. For whats not worth it, i wasn't barely able to step into the class and i had to book another date which is a month from now.
That running partner was crying her heart out just now when we are about to have our regular after school run. It's the BGR thing. I was in an awkward position. I wasn't close enough to know the "proper" ways of comforting her. I wasn't close enough to be able to offer good advice that might be appropriate to her situation at hand, until we talk breifly and i had a clearer picture. I understand but at the same time, could not really relate that much because i have been out of touch. When she popped up that bonus question, i knew i could not run away from that fact. The fact of being in a relationship with someone that was not fond of by many of my close friends and that it is something that i was not proud of. In fact, i wish i could cut that roll of film and put back a new roll of film. If only back then..
Those few words have been dictated over and over again. It's not that i am being an ignorant. I think i just do not want to face it. It was all clear to you, but really for me, it was perhaps situated in the grey region. I could not tell which is the distinct black or white.